The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith
Louise Wilkes
13:34:00
0
Warning: Spoilers! (duh).
In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel shares the unforgettable story of a young woman as she struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault.
Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.
What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.
The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith
Published: March 22nd 2016 by Margaret K. McElderry Books
Kindle Edition 384 Pages
I would like to start off this review with a disclaimer. As I scurried through reviews on Goodreads I couldn't help but notice readers attack this book for something I disagreed with. No matter what anyone says, these stories are valid. Though rape can be triggering subject matter, it is not up to anyone to decide whether the tale is likely, done properly or realistic. This actually happens, people actually suffer this and attacking a dialogue on a subject like this because you don't believe a character would not tell anyone for a certain length of time or act a certain way, is the same as saying that real victims acted wrongly and were therefore faking. Every account is different...but all are crucial.
That being said, The Way I Used To Be portrays a totally different kind of rape. Often it's the stranger in a dark alley and the victim becomes a recluse, never being touched and becoming delicate. Eden begins the story delicate, quiet and downtrodden and partly that's the reason she never speaks out, that - and the fact her attacker is her brothers best friend. The event, sends her into a spiral. She redefines herself, changing her identity to try and get away from the event. She becomes popular...but it's not enough. She starts an unhealthy cycle of casual sex, each encounter taking her further and further away from the terrible night.
This book does not just inform the reader of the events, of the story. Instead, we are pulled into Eden's psyche, into how brittle and closed off it has become. How the secret sours inside her and how we unravel why she doesn't speak up,why she finds comfort in the arms of sleazy older guys. She wants to be anyone else, anything else. It's all about distraction and denial. This is not only interesting, it's factually relevant.
Rape Trauma Syndrome is the psychological trauma experience by victims of rape that includes disruption of normal physical, emotional, cognitive and interpersonal behaviour. One of these disruptions is hypersexualisaton. This promiscuity is sometimes used as a way to reassert a measure of control over a victims sexual relationships. This is exactly the case with Eden, and it is the whole point of the novel, to present a different narrative. The one we aren't often told. She fancied her attacker, liked him and then he took something intangible from her. So she blames herself, she demands control over her body again but everything just seems to fall flat, and when she finally speaks up, finally tells her brother and the police - the book ends.
It is brave for a book of this nature not to take on the storyline of defeating the attacker. This kind of narrative only puts the emphasis on the attacker. It becomes his story, it's all about him. Whereas this, this book is all about Eden and her journey of recovery. It is hard to read, and stunning and sloppy and dirty and real...as real as a fictional tale can be. I loved this book and I cried several times, messy, sticky tears with a puffy, red nose. 4 STARS!
You may have noticed I enjoyed this book, and I would highly recommend to any fans of Speak, The Hate You Give and any other politically smart YA contemporary. You can find me on Twitter, Instagram, Goodreads and Facebook. Until then...Happy Reading.
In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel shares the unforgettable story of a young woman as she struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault.
Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.
What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.
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| Image from Lost in Literature |
Published: March 22nd 2016 by Margaret K. McElderry Books
Kindle Edition 384 Pages
I would like to start off this review with a disclaimer. As I scurried through reviews on Goodreads I couldn't help but notice readers attack this book for something I disagreed with. No matter what anyone says, these stories are valid. Though rape can be triggering subject matter, it is not up to anyone to decide whether the tale is likely, done properly or realistic. This actually happens, people actually suffer this and attacking a dialogue on a subject like this because you don't believe a character would not tell anyone for a certain length of time or act a certain way, is the same as saying that real victims acted wrongly and were therefore faking. Every account is different...but all are crucial.
That being said, The Way I Used To Be portrays a totally different kind of rape. Often it's the stranger in a dark alley and the victim becomes a recluse, never being touched and becoming delicate. Eden begins the story delicate, quiet and downtrodden and partly that's the reason she never speaks out, that - and the fact her attacker is her brothers best friend. The event, sends her into a spiral. She redefines herself, changing her identity to try and get away from the event. She becomes popular...but it's not enough. She starts an unhealthy cycle of casual sex, each encounter taking her further and further away from the terrible night.
This book does not just inform the reader of the events, of the story. Instead, we are pulled into Eden's psyche, into how brittle and closed off it has become. How the secret sours inside her and how we unravel why she doesn't speak up,why she finds comfort in the arms of sleazy older guys. She wants to be anyone else, anything else. It's all about distraction and denial. This is not only interesting, it's factually relevant.
Rape Trauma Syndrome is the psychological trauma experience by victims of rape that includes disruption of normal physical, emotional, cognitive and interpersonal behaviour. One of these disruptions is hypersexualisaton. This promiscuity is sometimes used as a way to reassert a measure of control over a victims sexual relationships. This is exactly the case with Eden, and it is the whole point of the novel, to present a different narrative. The one we aren't often told. She fancied her attacker, liked him and then he took something intangible from her. So she blames herself, she demands control over her body again but everything just seems to fall flat, and when she finally speaks up, finally tells her brother and the police - the book ends.
It is brave for a book of this nature not to take on the storyline of defeating the attacker. This kind of narrative only puts the emphasis on the attacker. It becomes his story, it's all about him. Whereas this, this book is all about Eden and her journey of recovery. It is hard to read, and stunning and sloppy and dirty and real...as real as a fictional tale can be. I loved this book and I cried several times, messy, sticky tears with a puffy, red nose. 4 STARS!
You may have noticed I enjoyed this book, and I would highly recommend to any fans of Speak, The Hate You Give and any other politically smart YA contemporary. You can find me on Twitter, Instagram, Goodreads and Facebook. Until then...Happy Reading.
.JPG)
